I am often get asked: What Enneagram types are most compatible?

Inquiring minds ask these questions with good intent. In the workplace, they want to build strong, well-functioning teams. They want happy employees who excel at their jobs with minimal conflict.  In their personal lives, they want harmonious relationships, with minimal discord and much contentment.

I wish I had some enchanted answer like:  7’s and 9’s, they really do live happily-ever-after.  Unfortunately, there are no “most compatible” Enneagram combinations.  The better question to ask is: what makes any combination of Enneagram types co-exist compatibly?

Emotional intelligence author and scholar Daniel Goleman says: What counts in making a happy relationship is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

In other words, the most compatible teams and couples are the ones that cope most effectively with their differences and difficulties. By this definition, any and all Enneagram combinations can be “most compatible” with effort.

Here are a few reminders to help you deal with differences and difficulties at work and home:

• Listen openly to diverse ideas – appreciate, value and respect differences.
• Express your needs and feelings honestly.
• Admit when you have made a mistake.
• Manage your emotions – pause at least 5 seconds before speaking.
• Endeavor to be constructive, not destructive.
• Experiment – use varied approaches to solving problems.
• Mine the tough stuff – stay with difficult issues a few minutes longer than feels comfortable.
• Show compassion, understanding and patience with others’ weaknesses (we all have them!)
• Say something nice – nurture and accentuate the best in others.